Mr Teach has, of course, moved onto writing actual books, and I promise I'll get around to reading
Watch What You Hear once 90 Day Fiancé is done, but in the mean time I need my meaningless nonsense fix. And I suppose, if you want something done properly, you do it yourself, so here goes. Grant me that reality TV is fake as hell, that I am not any sort of psychiatrist, let Alone the Last, et cetera et cetera. Let's fuckin' 'ave it.
Elizabeth and Andrej
You might not have seen
90 Day Fiancé before, so let me give you a quick rundown. There's something called a
K-1 visa that allows a foreigner to visit the United States of America. Problem is, they need to marry an American by the end of those 90 days, or be sent back home. The show follows a great variety of (straight, I suppose I should say) couples as they navigate this 90 days, give or take a few weeks in the foreigner's home country, and hopefully get married before season's end. I've been watching Season 5, so that's what I'm talking about, and the first couple - the titular couple - is Elizabeth (sometimes Libby), of Tampa, Florida, and Andrej, of Dublin, Ireland-via-Chisinau, Moldova. He's working in Dublin to make enough money to survive in America when we first meet the couple.
The animating conflict of this couple, as far as the show is concerned, is tradition versus modernity. Libby is a real go-getter, working at her dad's property firm, with a lot of strong-minded, independent sisters. Andrej, meanwhile, is from the second poorest state in Europe, and he has very strong views on what marriage entails, to the extent that Libby's sisters are worried he's walking all over her and "stopping her from being who she is". That is, to be clear, bollocks. Andrej's main "backwards" request is that Libby doesn't go to a strip club for a bachelorette party, and while I'll say that I wouldn't care about that and that expecting her to be home early is weird, I'll also say I don't have a fiancée and have never cared about a woman enough to propose, so I don't know. This request is treated as blasphemous by the sisters, and they make sure Elizabeth knows that they'll totally lie about her whereabouts so that they can have a 'traditional' bachelorette party. (Note: Libby herself is not particularly arsed about going to a strip club.)
That's the thing about Libby and her family - they're all VISCERALLY American. Her sisters all look like women that didn't quite make the playoffs to star on Real Housewives, she has a
Large Adult Brother that has no idea what Moldova is and is proud of that, and their collective idea of tradition is going to Vegas and getting shitfaced and probably cheating on their partners before getting married. Remember, white nationalists, when you tell people like me to get fucked this is actually what you're fighting for. Enjoy your Aryan waifu, dipshits. Her father, though, is the classic Florida boomer. HIS main problem with Andrej is that he never actually asked for Elizabeth's hand in marriage - ah! an actual tradition that dates back before the founding of Burger King! - except it is made very clearly that he has purposely avoided ever video-chatting, calling, or meeting Andrej in person. He says this is the reason he refuses to fund their wedding but the reason is obviously just that he hates Andrej, and Moldova. That's fine, but bullshitting everyone about this fact is just sad. Hold on to the concept of "bullshitting everyone". It comes up a lot.
But - say it with me now, folks - *no one gets a Moldovan boyfriend by accident*. Libby talks a lot about being worried about Andrej and her father will get on, but if it was an actual concern, she'd just move a Floridian. "But they're in love!" Yes, but it's not like they just happened to fall in love. It's not made clear how they met but (when the show starts) Andrej has only been to the US once, long before they met, and it doesn't seem like Libby was just hanging around in either Dublin or Chisinau to bump into him. Moving someone with a wildly different culture from a wildly different country is a choice, whether conscious or not, and in Elizabeth's case she's done it to piss off her family. 99% of the talking head interviews are her pensively wondering whether Andrej and her sisters will reconcile, whether her dad will come to the wedding, that kind of bullshit, but the only one that matters is where her eyes suddenly light up and she says "All my family is willing me to fail, and I can't wait to prove them wrong!"
Allow me to extrapolate the actual situation here from the information we're given. Libby seems to be the only one of her sisters that's not married, and she also seems like the most responsible one, considering her place in her father's business. If I'm being brutal, they're all clapped, but Libby is also the least conventionally attractive. Your mileage will absolutely vary there, though. All the other sisters, according to Pops, married men that can provide for them, which explains why Libby is working for him while the other ones presumably waltz around West Florida drinking mimosas and pretending to laugh at each other's jokes. Andrej therefore serves a dual function - firstly, he's a well-built guy, worked as a bouncer in Dublin, strong, silent type, seems to know his shit. Libby describes him as an "alpha male". Always a good sign. That ought to put her sisters in place with their boring beta provider husbands that have probably never even sparked anyone out. Secondly, Andrej allows her to change personality and confound her whole family more. "But you're being so quiet and submissive!" "Yeah, looks like I'm not just ol' reliable boring Libby, I'm actually a hot Real Housewife like you guys and my boyfriend is super hot and foreign so fuck you :)" It's not a real problem, since he asks for it, but she always makes a point of pronouncing 'Andrej' in as Moldovan (wait,
Moldovan is Romanian? Ah, I don't have time for this, if I start reading about Eastern Europe I'll be here all year) an accent as is humanly possible, and I can completely imagine it doing my fucking head in if I was the Large Adult Brother that doesn't even know where this Melania place is. This is the point. Libby's family is violently American, and so, to spite them, she has done what she thinks is the least American thing possible - marry a guy from the former USSR and submit to him. Unfortunately for her, Pissing Off Daddy(TM) is as American as apple pie or funding regime changes for cheaper bananas and coke (both kinds), so she's shit out of luck on that front. Nice try, though.
David And Annie
I fucking hate this guy so much, man. Like, I hate Libby a bit - on top of the 'Andrej' quirk she is always calling him baby in an unbearably saccharine way, her dream wedding ("in a white dress, in the snow, with snow, like, falling on me" is such a 'Floridian who has never actually interacted with snow' idea) is stupid and she tends to have a face like a well smacked arse no matter what's going on - but she is fundamentally an alright person. Jarring, but good. David is evil, and not even knowingly pure evil, but a kind of evil that only men can really pull off. David is a pussy.
"Oh my God, how is that evil? This is EXACTLY how toxic masculinity spreads. You should be ashamed..." A of all, who are you, Libby's Strong, Independent sisters? ctfu dumb thots. Number two, toxic masculinity rules, and 3) it's actually mostly held up by women, and for good reason. Observe.
David is a forty-eight year old divorced dad from Louisville, Kentucky who has fallen in love with twenty-four year old Annie from somewhere in Thailand, I can't remember where. My Morning Jacket aren't from Thailand so it doesn't stick in the brain like Louisville does. In the first interview with Annie she says she only loves him like 80 or 90%, but he's American, so, you know. Money. I'm only kind of paraphrasing. Anyhow, presumably because of the divorce, David doesn't have any money, so he's been borrowing a lot from his rich buddy Chris. You may see a problem already. Annie is (between 10 and 20%) with David for the money, but he has none. This crops up again and again in the first few scenes between the couple.
(I should perhaps make clear that over the course of an episode of
90 Day Fiancé we see vignettes from pretty much all the couples I'm going through here, like an hour-and-a-half-long
Four Lines, All Waiting soap opera. David and Annie's engagement in Thailand only lasts like 30 onscreen minutes but it takes three or four episodes to get through.)
Firstly, Annie's parents expect a dowry, as is traditional in Thailand, and David can't pay. He knows this, we as the audience know this, fuck, Annie's parents probably know this, and yet he still spends God knows how long umming and ahhing over whether to offer them ฿50,000 (roughly $1600. That there is the baht, by the way, the Thai currency). "I just don't know if that's enough!" You do, Annie's told you numerous times they need ten times that amount, what you are hoping is that everyone will just ignore the fact that it's not enough, that you will scrape through anyway because of "love" or some such nonsense. Marriage is not simply a thing you do when you're in love, it's an economic and social contract with monetary repercussions you should be acutely aware of considering you clearly got taken to the cleaners following your last marriage! Grow up!
"
I'm saying that if you spring a ring on a woman which you already know is less than what she wanted, hoping that she'll be satisfied but not sure if she'll be satisfied, then the problem isn't the ring, the problem is you."
The parents accept the ฿50k, probably because they're as sick of his shit already as I am, but they also ask for a water buffalo. Surprise, surprise, he can't afford one of those either, so he buys the family the smallest one available with Chris' money. Then there's a traditional Thai engagement party where he has to spend even more of Chris' money, then there's a more traditionally Western get-together where David gets shitfaced and makes Annie cry. Did I mention he has a drinking problem too?
They finally get back to America and, as discussed in Thailand, move into Chris' place in L.A. for the start of the 90 days because David doesn't have a house or a job in Louisville yet. Did I mention David has neither a house nor a job in Louisville? David considers this a good thing because it means he has more time to tell his adult children he's getting married. Did I mention he has three children, two older than Annie, to whom he not only hasn't mentioned his engagement, but has not in fact shown Annie at all, to the extent that they still think she's made up?
Listen. You know them ones where you meet someone, and early on they tell you they've just divorced, or more likely broken up at my age, and you feel some reflexive measure of sympathy for them, because obviously no one wants to be broken up with; and then you spend a couple more minutes with them and not only completely understand why they were broken up with, but begin wondering if it's possible to gnaw your own arm off like a coyote in order to escape them? Yeah, one of them ones there. David is an absolute dumpsterfire of a prospective husband, and I haven't even got to the fact that the first evening back in America he gets shitfaced again and tries to fight Chris' wife's brother. Did I mention yada yada etc the bloke needs help.
This is where the pussy thing comes in. You need to look at the number of lives David ruins by being unable to take care of his own shit. There's Annie's parents for two; they're dirt poor and were probably expecting a big payday if they HAD to let their only daughter move halfway across the world. Instead, muggins has mugged them off of 90% of the dowry, and a useful pack animal, and their kid. There's Annie, who hates when David drinks, and has now moved countries to be with a pretty much homeless man who doesn't even have the balls to tell his kids she exists. There's Chris, who must be Buddha knows how many thousands of dollars in the hole. Chris' wife Nikki, and her brother Antonio, who both have to put up with David's bullshit, and Chris' enablement thereof. And then David's kids, who have had to deal with a man of this calibre their entire lives.
Toxic masculinity is upheld by women because if you don't, you end up with this, a sniveling husk of an alcoholic with no money, no backbone, and hopefully no wife before long. The main person who doesn't put up with David and his bollocks is Nikki. She's the one that kicks David out the house and makes Chris get him a house in Kentucky. The other person that refuses to put up with him is his, admittedly also horrible, daughter Ashley, who makes it clear she does not support the wedding and tells Annie about David's past infidelities that led to the breakdown of his first marriage. Without anyone telling David he's a massive pussy and needs to grow the fuck up, he would've continued to take ex-pat trips to Thailand with Chris, on Chris' money, and never see his kids again. Only the women in his life actually hold him to account.
This is a big misunderstanding by most modern people, of all genders, this idea that toxic masculinity - the kind of toxic masculinity that supposedly makes timid, feminine boys like me feel ashamed and inadequate - is a product of strong men and their abhorrent locker room talk. That's backwards. If you imagine someone telling me to "man up and [whatever]", what gender is "someone"? Yeah. Women cannot afford to have you all up in your feelings for hours on end, because each hour you spend offloading about your emotions is an hour you aren't spending providing anything of use - dosh, food, dick - to her. "But girls said they like when you're sensitive!" Girls don't know what's good for them, have you met girls? What they DO know is they don't wanna hear you complain, especially about negative experiences with other dudes. Again, imagine the kind of person that says "lmao m*n bring toxic masculinity upon themselves I cba fr fr". Same kind of immaculately-dressed-and-made-up TikTok baddie that says if you're not getting laid you're a gay incel and that she's so done with straight white boys, right? Yeah. It is an unfortunate side-effect of the current sexual marketplace that this disconnect is more visible than ever - "if they're so bored of straight white guys, why are all her TikToks about fucking them and why is she dating one?" asks our poor, socially uncalibrated nerd, and I grant that this is confusing if you've never spoken to a woman, have been drenched in feminist rhetoric from birth, or are retarded. Girls like boys who are hot. They would PREFER them not to be wankers, but given the choice between a hot prick and you, who would maybe try and hold her hand maybe after a few years together, if she was up for it, maybe, you, who has only heard about the concept of dressing well from the AYO MR WHITE I GOT DRIP BITCH meme, you, who reads random semi-political, semi-nonsensical blogs online, they will choose the hot prick. They're not wrong to do it, either. This seems to incentivise certain presumably toxic behaviours, but the game is the game, innit. Man up, sweetcheeks. Buy some full-length trousers.
The structure libfems call 'patriarchy' was once held up just as intently by women as by men, too, and with good reason. I'm reading Anna Karenina right now, and *BIG TOLSTOY SPOILERS* one of the big early conflicts is Princess Scherbatskaya letting her daughter Kitty court on her own, much to her father's chagrin. When heartless bachelor Count Vronsky eventually fobs her off for the titular (and already married, such scandal!) Ms Karenina, after Kitty has turned down a marriage proposal from another bloke, expecting Vronsky's soon enough, both Prince and Princess Scherbatsky agree that there were once laws against that kind of boy toying with a girl's heart, flirting without intent, laws abandoned in the name of empowerment and liberation that have actually left Katya a nervous, heartbroken wreck unable to leave her bedroom. *END OF BIG TOLSTOY SPOILERS* David is similarly reined in by the more 'traditional' expectations of Thai society. He manages to shirk as much of it as possible, but Annie expects him to provide for both her and her parents, and he does so (once again, with another bloke's cash, 'cause he's a joke, but nonetheless). If Annie were an empowered modern Cosmo reader, she would've told her parents to fuck off, eloped with a broke-ass David, and taken a job to support him in the kind of Thai massage place that nutcase shot up a few months back. I'd say "do not give up power for the trappings of power, ladies", but I'm afraid that decision was made for you around fifty years ago by those second-wave bitches. Sorry. All you get now is "um, no self respecting QUEEN would go out without makeup, sis." No, the girls at the party still won't come to your aid, but I can guarantee the TikToks they'll make about your assault will pop OFF. You're welcome.
David and Evelyn
This is the least interesting one, to my mind. David and Evelyn are both staunch Christians, he a 27-year-old from Granada, she an 18-year-old singer-songwriter from New Hampshire. They're both horrible, and they deserve each other. Witness the way Evelyn treats her supposed best friend Michaela, who offers some doubts on the viability of the relationship in the first couple episodes. "Have you been in love before? No, I didn't think so." David isn't much better when he first meets her - "are you dating someone? Because you seem like someone who's not dating anyone." They argue over tuxedos, over where David's Spanish friends are going to stay, over talking about sex on TV, but at the end of the day they get married and it doesn't seem particularly shaky. He's sheltered and she's pretty and thus neither of them have learned any tact, and that's a bridge they will have to cross as they grow with one another. I expect these lot to still be together, though not in New Hampshire - David is quite clear on the fact he thinks her hometown, Claremont, is a shithole. Good luck to them, wherever they're living.
Azan and Nicole
Nicole is a masterclass in how not to parent your kid, both in terms of her own daughter, 2-year-old May, who never says anything without prompting and is pretty much never seen sans tablet/smartphone, and in terms of her own parents, who have utterly failed to produce a human being capable of surviving.
Nicole is simultaneously spoilt beyond belief and completely without self-confidence, which is to say she is a proper Laschian narcissist, which is to say she is an American born after 1945, and it manifests in the multiple ways her relationship with Moroccan Azan progresses. She's spent time with him before, it seems like on a previous season of 90 Day Fiancé, and it went abysmally. I'm sheltered AND pretty so excuse my lack of tact, but she's very, very fat, and Azan would prefer someone to go hiking with; she's pretty unreceptive and insensitive to Azan's culture (I wouldn't have eaten the delicacy of sheep's brain either, but asking a bunch of Muslims if you can sleep in your not-husband's bed is just stupid); she wants to spend time at home with Azan watching movies and "talking" - she is obsessed with talking - where he would rather go to the café and talk Real Madrid with the mandem; she has cheated on Azan back in Florida, quite frequently, where he would rather date someone that isn't a massive sket; and so on, and so on.
 |
| Real Madrid, yeah? Say less, fam. |
She spends most of her time in Morocco pawing at him for attention, or shouting at him for looking after May wrong, or shouting at him for not trusting her - even though she straight up gets caught lying to him about the aforementioned cheating lmid-interview - or complaining. No one seems to be enjoying things. Why either of them are holding onto this relationship is beyond me, and Nicole's parents, and I think Azan. In that reunion special he is unreachable for video call, and honestly I would be too. She spends that special trying to get her mum to shut up about the amount of money she's been sending Azan - ah! that's why he stays - in a really horrible way. She acts just like a spoiled kid despite being twenty-two, and I have no choice but to blame her parents. There are little vile nuances in the way she speaks that should really have been beaten out of her before she graduated elementary. I hope the money is worth it, Azan, because you will truly be miserable with her.
Molly and Luis
As a child from a single-parent household, and a romantic, big R and small r, I wanted this one to work. Molly met Luis in the Dominican Republic and then brings him back to Georgia to live with her and her two daughers from previous partners, Olivia, 17, and Kenslee, 6. The accepted catalyst for this one going wrong in the show's logic is Luis' late period meltdown and refusal to look after the kids, but that's not actually what happens.
Early on, Luis is more than happy to look after the kids. Part of the stipulations of the K-1 visa is you aren't allowed to get a job, among other things, and Molly runs a successful... er... lingerie shop or something? Some kinda clothes. I'm not gonna go back and check, sorry. Anyway, this means Luis is often home looking after Kenslee while Molly is at work. The first shots are fired by the kids, and understandably so. Kenslee and Luis are doodling outside with crayons when she straight up says "I don't like you, you're not my dad." and storms off. Olivia is no warmer, refusing to breakfast with Luis and staying at her boyfriend's whenever possible. Molly's father meets Luis at a barbecue and straight up says "I think you're using my daughter for a green card." The only non-Molly person to even attempt to get along with Luis is her brother, who takes him to play baseball and takes him to the strip club for his bachelor party.
I have to say, Luis' life sounds like a form of hell. He can't go anywhere, or do anything, and he knows no one except this one woman who loves him but is always away, a brother who presumably has his own life shit going on, and kids who despise him, that he must constantly also take care of. It seems to eat at him, and over the course of the 90 days you can watch him go from trying to be nice to the kids and romantic with Molly to being an absolute bellend. I don't believe his more belligerent end-state, though.
You familiar with the concept of a "
tank"? In Y*nk sports, doing really badly in the league often comes with its own rewards, normally in the form of "draft picks". You essentially get a chance to have the best new young sportspeople in the game join your team if you finish toward the bottom of the league, and as such, teams who are doing more mediocrely will often try and accelerate the process by trading away their good, expensive players and fielding purposely shite teams to finish bottom and get those draft picks. For example, the Buffalo Sabres are a historically awful hockey team that was able to draft generational talent Jack Eichel in 2015. Problem is, despite having one of the best players in the sport on their side they're still the worst team in the league, so Jack's fucking off somewhere else, but that's by the by. Point is, that's tanking, and to my mind, it's exactly what Luis did.
Just look at the final argument. He decides that the various icons in the house - a Buddha here, an owl there - are evidence of Molly practicing brujeria (witchcraft). This, after Molly brings up why he won't love the kids. His argument is a complete non-sequitur that takes Molly to her breaking point, and she tells him to pack his bags. Tank accomplished. Massive dub. Hopefully you get first pick at the "Hot Dominican Baddie Without Horrible Kids" Draft, bossman.
The reason he doesn't love the kids, by the way, Molly, is you just foisted him upon them (and them upon him) with very little in the way of help or conscious integration. You met him at whatever the airport is in Atlanta, gave him a kiss, and said, "Okay, I'm off to work for three months, look after the kids." Of course he has no idea what the fuck he's doing, he's twenty-six and has never had kids. And of course the kids resent it, they've got some randomer moving into their house, fucking their mum, that they now have to spend all their time with. Like I said, it was just me and my Dad growing up, and he was always very careful to not introduce his (numerous, to be fair, go on the boy) girlfriends to me until he was relatively sure they were a long term item, and none of them ever moved in, and I was not expected to treat any of them like a mother. This worked out excellently for me - I basically had two Christmases for a long stretch of my teen years, one with the Sprezz family on actual Christmas, and one with his girlfriend's family on Boxing Day - but more pertinently it means I have no step-parent horror stories.
The situations were different, of course - my father is a widower who I'm pretty sure is now incapable of loving another woman; Molly has just made, and continues to make, abysmal relationship decisions - but the principle is the same. Blending a family is a delicate process, not one to be undertaken in one season, much less one season on an international television show. I know the title of this is 'No One Gets A Moldovan Boyfriend By Accident' but I genuinely don't think she understands why any of this happened or why her and Luis can't be a serious couple. I think this because the bombshell revealed in the final episode, after the supposedly relationship-ending fight, is she secretly got married to Luis behind everyone's back, including the TV crew, hilariously. The poor showrunner has to interview her like "what the fuck have you done," as she timidly explains that he doesn't have to go home following the end of the K-1 visa. That shows a level of naiveté you really don't expect from a 40-year-old with two kids. She says to Olivia at one point that she's always put the kids first and love on the back burner but considering the fact that Kenslee has a different dad she's already slipped up, in this exact way, at least twice. If there's any fault on her part it's that desperation to find a proper relationship and inability to know a proper one when she sees it.
That would be bad enough - the lying to her kids, the getting Luis his American citizenship, everything - but then, in the reuinion show, a few months later, it's revealed she's STILL trying to make things work with Luis. It's almost painful, how she is so desperate to be loved that she will completely screw over her kids and Luis and herself for it. And she just doesn't realise. She has absolutely purposely put herself in the position, though - anyone sane would've cut their losses after BrujeriaGate - even though it's not what she wanted, the way it is for the other couples.
Josh and Aika
Our final couple is 43-year-old Josh, from Arizona, and his 36-year-old Pinay fiancé Aika. Josh is a ball of neuroses and pussy behaviour, though not in the same way as David. His problem is clearly external approval. He wasn't the most popular in school, and so he views Aika as a sort of trophy, a "fuck you guys, I have a hot S.E.A. gf now!" in human form. And thus, he takes her to a modelling agency, despite her not wanting to do modelling at all. She says "I don't want this" in the waiting room and he says "let's let the judges (read: an outside omnipotent entity) decide whether you're good enough (read: hot enough to make my awful teen years worth it)". There is not a less self-confident moment in the season, and the season is rife with such things. If you're forty-three, on your third marriage, and still trying to impress kids that didn't rate you when you were sixteen, you've lost. It's that easy.
In any case, the modelling agency tells her she's hot but they aren't interested in someone who expects to have kids soon, and thus we transition into our main disagreement - Josh had his tubes tied, and a while ago to boot. If they want kids he's gonna need to get that reversed, which doesn't always work, and Aika isn't getting any younger either.
Because I'm an Anglosphere resident and so are the people that make the show, it's really easy to frame everything in terms of "why did [the American partner] do this?" Look, I even did it with the title, I'm definitely guilty too. It is, however, most instructive to look at Aika's part in all this. She's not a mail order bride with no grasp of English. She's not even in an Annie-style situation where she's pretty much only doing this for the money. She's headstrong, says what she feels to a fault, and has plenty of agency. Why, then, if it is so important for her to have children, has she a) not done so yet, and b) chosen to try with an effectively castrated bloke? No one gets a vasectomied boyfriend by accident. The show mostly frames this as a Josh problem, and he is definitely responsible for stringing her along and then not getting the reversal as of the reunion show, but at the end of the day Aika is thirty-six. I don't mean to say this to rule out misfortune, relationships gone awry, and so forth, but if family is the priority she says it is, I would expect more urgency than this. Nonetheless, once Josh receives his validation their relationship feels genuine. Aika gets along swimmingly with his mother, they get Josh's sceptical friends to kind of turn things around - things got off to a poor start when his buddy Joe accused her of doing it for the green card and she basically said "yeah, I was looking for American men, and what" - and their future looks bright as long as Josh gets his tubes untied and Aika freezes the eggs she has left.
Dénouement
I've Bing-ed one of those "Where Are They Now" articles to see how these couples have got on since, I think it was 2016 or '17 when the show was filmed. Nicole mentions Trump being president so not before then. My guesses are:
-David and Evelyn are fine
-Molly and Luis are still limping along despite it not making any sense
-Josh actually hasn't got his tubes untied and Aika has stayed with him because she's not as arsed as she made out in the show
-Nicole and Azan are still together because the world is a cruel and unforgiving hell
-Andrej and Libby are still together, fuelled only by resentment for Libby's dad if nothing else
-David has cheated on Annie/lapsed back into alcoholism and she's back in Thailand
Let's see how wrong I am, shall we?
Libby and Andrej had their more lavish wedding in Moldova - remember, the TV show job was a little thing just to satisfy the visa - last year and they have a kid! Nice! Libby still has the job and Andrej's the stay at home dad, too, proving the "backwards/traditional" angle was complete wank.
Luis divorced Molly and married a Dominican, thank God. Nicole and Azan are indeed still together, and she even quarantined with him in Morocco last year. I can think of literally nothing worse than being locked in a room with Nicole for months on end with a pandemic outside.
Oh my God,
Evelyn got to the TV rounds of American Idol and her and David moved to Los Angeles together? I mean, I'm techincally correct on all counts, but that is really not how I would have expected that story to end. Other David became an adjunct professor - if you needed any further proof the academy is a dead end, look no further than that waste of space getting a job - and him and Annie live together in Arizona, as do Josh and Aika. No word on a kid from them, though, just lots of vacation selfies. I knew Aika wasn't that bothered. People are constantly showing you their deal through their actions. If someone tells you they just want their family to get along but they keep doing shit that makes their family upset with them, believe their actions. If someone is always going on about kids, but marries someone that literally cannot bear children, believe their actions. If someone fancies themselves a serious philisophical blogger but only writes about reality TV and pop music instead of Tolstoy and
The Odyssey, believe my actions, too. I mean 'their' actions, sorry. Come back next week when I'll teach you how to find religion in The Chase or what Kierkegaard would have had to say about Logan Paul or some bullshit.
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